The Real Fast Sooner Hound

The Real Fast Sooner Hound

A traveling salesman was on his way to Tulsa when he saw a man standing by the highway with his thumb out. The man had a scruffy, raw-boned long-legged dog with him, but the salesman liked dogs, and there was plenty of room for the animal in the back seat next to his sample cases. So he pulled over. “Hop in,” he said.
“Much obliged to you, mister,” said the man, and got in the passenger seat, leaving the dog outside.
“What about your dog?” asked the salesman.
“Oh, he’ll just run alongside the right rear wheel. He can use some exercise.”
“Are you telling me that dog can keep up with a car?”
“Sure. He’s a genu-wine Oklahoma Sooner hound, and that means he gets places sooner than other dogs.”
“That sounds like a load of bull, to me.” the salesman snorted.
“You wanna make a little bet on it?”
“Hell yes! I’ll bet you ten bucks I can shake that mutt in a minute flat.”
“Make it twenty. He goes through a lot of dog food, and I’m ‘bout out of beer.”
“You’re on!”
The man leaned out the window and said something to the hound which the out-of-stater couldn’t hear. The hound trotted back and stood next to the right rear wheel. His owner said to the salesman, “You can see him in your right rearview mirror, right?”
“Plain as day,”
“OK. He’ll stay right there, no matter what you do.”
“The hell he will,” said the salesman.
He eased into the sparse traffic, accelerating to forty. The hound barely broke into a trot. Hardly believing his eyes, the salesman sped up to fifty, then sixty. The hound began to lope lazily, staying right in position. Finally the salesman put the pedal to the metal until he hit eighty, which was as fast as his car could go. The hound broke into a larruping gallop with his tongue flapping goofily out of his mouth.
In desperation, the salesman jammed on the brakes, and the car came to a halt so quickly the brake linings smoked. When the smoke cleared, he saw that the hound was still next to the right rear wheel.
“Well, I never saw anything like that in my life,” he said. “Your dog’s a wonder.”
He got out his wallet, but paused. “Wait a minute, now,” he said. “That’s not the same dog. Are you pulling some kind of trick?”
“’Course it’s the same dog. I only got the one.”
“But your dog had no collar. This dog’s wearing a red one.”
“Oh, that ain’t a collar. That’s his asshole. He ain’t used to stoppin’ so fast.”