How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb must really want to change.
How many rich people does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s why they have staff.
How do you adjust an anti-vaxxer’s attitude?
You can’t. It’s stuck on “stupid.”
Mitch McConnell walks into a bar and asks for a Zombie. The bartender mixes the drink and sets it in front of him. “Proper choice, sir,” he says. “Since the election, you’ve been one of the Living Dead.”