Bert And I is a collection of stories about two crusty Maine farmer-fishermen. It was published in the 1950s by Robert Bryan and Marshall Dodge. I’ve always loved the pair and their tales, and I thought that in these dark times for our country, readers might appreciate a wry laugh or two. It’s interesting to imagine what Bert and his friend might have made of Donald Trump. Not much, I expect.
I’ll add more Bert and I stories to my blog, ragbagmind.com, from time to time.
Bert and I were down to the dock spreading our nets out to dry, and he says to me, “I read in the paper that Jethro Willis is running for selectman.”
“Jethro Willis?” says I. “Fella that tends the drawbridge over the canal? I’ll tell you something about him. Last June my Jersey bull ate something that didn’t agree with him, and got seized up tighter than Portland cement. The vet come by and said the bull had to have an enema. We needed a kitchen baster and a length of rubber hose to do the job, and I didn’t have either one. But then I thought of my grandfather’s old Spanish-American War bugle, so I fetched it down from the attic. The vet greased it up, and while I held the bull’s halter rope, he rammed it up the bull’s bunghole. Well, that bull went crazy. Yanked the rope out of my hand, kicked a hole in the barn wall, and charged down the road to the canal with the bugle blatting away like the cavalry was coming. Jethro Willis raised the drawbridge, and the bull went into the drink. We managed to haul him out afore he drowned, but ever since, he ain’t been worth a damn with the breeding cows. So I tell you, Bert, any fool who don’t know the difference between a canal barge horn and a bull with a bugle up his ass ain’t getting my vote for selectman.”